


Stay

by weathergirl83



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weathergirl83/pseuds/weathergirl83
Summary: Follows events of episode 12x15, "Somewhere Between Heaven & Hell".Dean is upset at the sudden disappearance of Cas and things get angsty when he finally returns. Ends on a happy note.





	

It was well past midnight and Dean was still sitting at the table in the War Room, nursing his fifth beer. Sam had gone to bed a few hours before, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. He hated the silence. His mind was always whirring, buzzing around in a million different directions. He liked the noise: Sam's loud voice, his big feet clomping around on the concrete floor, hell...his brothers breathing was enough to distract Dean from _thinking_ too much. As exhausted as he was, he couldn't find respite in sleep.

Castiel had been gone for 20 days. Off the map. Off the grid. He wasn't answering his cell phone. Nobody had heard from him. Not Sam, not Mary. By day 11, Dean jumped every time his phone made a noise and said, " _FUCK_ " when it wasn't Cas, again. Sam would sigh and reassure him that Cas was fine and not dying in a ditch somewhere.

Dean leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He focused on his heartbeat. Before Cas had disappeared, Dean had been trying to be more honest, more open about his feelings, but he was still scared. He was scared that he'd say the wrong thing and drive Cas away. _Or maybe_ , he thought, _I've already accomplished that..._

The faint sound of a key turning in a lock hit Dean's ears. He looked up and watched as Castiel slowly descended the staircase across the room from him. Neither one of them spoke, until Cas finally made eye contact with him.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean was still in shock, mouth slightly agape, his eyes scanning Cas' face for...what? An apology? The reason why the angel had disappeared? He didn't move out of his chair and took another long sip of his beer, not taking his eyes off of Cas. He gritted his teeth and tried to bite back the anger, but his heart was racing so fast, he couldn't hold it back.

"Where the HELL have you been, Cas?" Dean leaned forward and gestured sharply with his bottle. "You left us. Me and Sammy have been worried sick about you and here you come, walkin' in like you just ran to the fucking grocery store." He stood up, swaying slightly from the alcohol, and walked around the table.

Cas eyed the empty bottles lined up in front of where Dean had been sitting. "I'm sorry...I didn't have reception where I was."

Dean stopped directly in front of Cas and roughly poked a finger into his chest. "' _Sorry_.' You're always ' _sorry_.' Don't give me that bullshit. And what do you mean you didn't have ' _reception_ '?" He mocked back, complete with air quotes.

Cas moved Dean's hand away from his chest, fingers lingering around his wrist. He held Dean's gaze.

"I was in Heaven, Dean. An angel named Kelvin invited me to go back home with him. He said I was welcome to return."

Dean yanked his wrist out of Cas' grip and stepped back. "You were... _where_? Jesus Christ, that's NOT your _HOME_ , Cas!" He yelled loudly, anger clouding his features. "You didn't think about maybe like, dropping a hint when you were on the phone with me? 'Hey Dean, I'm gonna be gone for a little bit. I'm going back to that place where they all wanted to fucking _kill me_.'" Dean shook his head and slammed his bottle on the table.

"Dean...it wasn't like that. _Heaven_ isn't like that anymore. The angels...they weren't all happy to see me, but I had a wonderful talk with Joshua..." Cas looked away and dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Oh well great, I'm glad you had such a 'wonderful' time. That's just _peachy_ , Cas." Dean rolled his eyes and scoffed. "So while you were up there, hangin' with your old buddies, I was down here going out of my _GODDAMN MIND_." He could feel his face getting redder by the minute. A bead of sweat slowly trickled down by his ear. "I couldn't SLEEP, Cas. I stared at my phone for days. I turned it on, turned it off, I thought it was broken. Hell, I thought you were broken...laying somewhere unconscious. Or kidnapped. Or dead. Or..." He felt a gentle hand rest against the side of his face.

Cas had crossed the distance between them. His head was tilted to the side, blue eyes narrowed, and eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Not angry, _worried_." Cas offhandedly mused.

Dean took a deep breath and focused on the warmth of Cas' palm on his skin. It was the only thing in that moment keeping him grounded. He felt like his rage was going to make him physically explode any second.

"I just don't understand. I thought that you knew you had a home here, with us, Cas." Dean breathed deeply. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. "With _me_." His voice cracked into a whisper.

Dean's rage gave way to a sudden, full body sob and he stumbled forward into Cas, whose arms immediately wrapped tightly around him. Dean buried his face into his friends shoulder. He felt so raw and vulnerable, so small in the angels' arms. He hated himself for breaking open completely, but felt such relief that he had allowed himself to finally do so.

Cas' lips moved against his ear. "The visit to Heaven was a necessity, Dean. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly, but I knew if I didn't take the chance, they might not afford me the opportunity again. I had to make the decision for myself. I had to weigh my options of where I belong. Joshua and I had a long discussion about you."

Cheeks still wet with tears, Dean pulled back to look Cas in the eye. "Me?" They stood toe to toe, arms still wrapped around each other.

"Yes. We talked about how many places I have been, how many people I have met, how many things I have seen over a millenia. But none of them compare to what I've found here. What I've found with you. I told Sam once that you and I share a more profound bond. I care about you from the deepest depths of my soul. I explained to Joshua that you and Sam are my family now." Cas tipped his head forward to rest against Dean's. "I told him that I love you." He finished quietly.

Dean swallowed. His throat felt like sandpaper and his mouth was parched. He and Cas exchanged breaths and just held each other for what felt like hours. Blue and green eyes unwaveringly locked. The tears had dried on his face, leaving faint streaks behind. Cas brought a hand up to wipe them away, his thumb slowly stroking Dean's cheek.

"Cas..." Dean spoke in a hushed tone, voice still etched with emotion. "I don't know what this is, what we are, but I do know that I want to find out. I need you in my life. I need you to _stay_." He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Castiel's. Dean hesitantly moved his tongue into Cas' already open mouth which, he noted, tasted faintly of honey.

Castiel pulled back slightly and whispered, "I know, Dean. I'm not going anywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first time posting on AO3! Here goes nothing...


End file.
